Top ten (ok, 11) thoughts of a pessimist on the snow

Image Ah, social media…showing me all the folks out
there who LOVE the beautiful winter wonderland when it snows.
 Thank you Facebook, for reminding me of my own least favorite
quality, unnecessary and premature negativity.  While I’m
lucky that today I have nowhere to go, a house full of food and
warmth, electricity, Netflix, computers, Candy Crush Saga, hot tea,
and a kitten purring on fleece blanket covered lap, I am still
obsessed on the following: 1. How will I get out of my driveway
tomorrow?  Will I throw my back out shoveling?  Will I
end up needing surgery for a herniated disk?  What does it
mean to “throw one’s back out” anyway?  Will I slip and break
my ankle and be on crutches for 9 months? 2. What exactly will they
be saying about me when I don’t show up at work?  What level
of wimp will I fall under?  Will all the overachievers in the
office show up?  What if said overachiever crashes and gets
hurt on her way to work and I am forever looked down upon for not
even trying to come in? 3. Could -30 wind chills kill me while I
shovel the driveway?  Will I be that person talked about in
the news, dying “in the elements,” the poster child for taking wind
chill warnings seriously? 4. Damn you for not getting ice melt 5.
Damn you for not getting snow boots 6. Damn you for not renting an
apartment where someone else shovels 7. Gosh I feel sorry for the
people who have to shovel apartment sidewalks, I am a bad person
for wishing I had such a person instead of getting off my ass and
shoveling. 8. Do you shovel now so it’s easier when you shovel for
the second and third time later?  Do you just wait for the big
shovel extravaganza after it’s done blowing and falling from the
sky?  What is the proper way?  Who do I ask? 9. Why oh
why do you not move to California?  What is wrong with you for
living here?  And damn everyone that lives somewhere warm. 10.
How many batches of muffins, cookies, cakes, and soups CAN one
person make on a snow day?  How much weight is it humanly
possible to gain in one day? 11.  Oh, and duh…you have
nothing else to do, go work on your novel, you idiot, stop
blogging.  You know writing this dumb list is easier, but stop
being a sucker.  Go. Write. The. Novel.

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